Staying In Touch

It has been several months since I posted last mainly because my work is so darn busy and all my free time I spend with my family. The last couple of months have been pretty hard. When my parents moved I was sad but I felt that I would be ok because I could still talk to them everyday and my mom would be here to visit. Well this did not turn out to be. I am actually having a very hard time with them being gone. It is amazing how much 2 people can make life just seem a little less bright. I still talk to my mom a ton but the fact that I can not go and see her smiling face or see my father's big brown eye's whenever I wish has really taken a toll. I write this not to get sympathy but to help with the sadness. I went to the doctors a couple of weeks ago.. The doctors office my mom use to work at. When I got there everyone talked about how much they missed my mom and it seemed they looked at me as if asking for me to smile and tell them all was fine with my parents. When I saw my doctor he just looked at me and he knew that the smile I had was not real. He said "I am sure it is hard for you. Your mom is a wonderful women." It took me almost biting my tongue off to not cry like a big old baby right then and there. We talked about how I was feeling and what I should do to help with my issues. He said to start writing things down, not necessarily a journal but like a memo where I can just write how I am feeling about things. Hence the reason for this blog. As I was walking out to the area where my mother use to sit I found myself just staring at her old desk. The lady behind the desk cleared her throat and my doctor made sure to advise them that I was Linda's daughter which then was followed by each saying how much they missed my mother. My doctor commented on how my mom took away all the fun things she had on her desk and all the wonderful pictures. I told him to keep talking about it if he wanted to see me start crying like a baby. He smiled and said for me to not cry and then walked away. Why would seeing my mothers empty desk spark that much sadness? With all that has been going on I realized that I had not been able to even stop and just feel. Well now that work is slowing down I sure am feeling and it really scares me. I do not like to get this way because when I have before it just has gotten worse. Hopefully I can get over this bump quickly. Boy do I miss my parents!